I FOUND my son in bed with my wife. She isn’t his mother but I think it’s appalling.

I’m 44. My son is 19 and his sister is two years younger. Their mother died
ten years ago. The three of us had a tough time.

I was so busy trying to take care of my two little kids and make money as well
that I hardly had time to grieve.

My daughter always behaved like an angel but my son was a different story. I
know losing his mum hit him hard but I don’t understand why he blamed me.

When the kids got older, I realised how lonely I was and I tried to find love.
I’ve had a few girlfriends and my daughter was pleasant to every one of
them.

Not so my son. When I’ve introduced him to a girlfriend he could barely be
bothered to smile and say hi. Later he’d tell me my girlfriend was ugly or
dull. I tried not to get angry as I knew he was missing his mum but it still
made me feel really sad.

Then I met a friend of a mate who was lovely and sweet and she made me feel
happy inside.

When my son met her he grudgingly told me that she was OK. My daughter liked
her, too. I was over the moon.

It was a whirlwind romance and we got married six months later. She made me
feel good and she loved my two kids.

I was away at the weekend with work and my daughter was staying with friends.
That left my wife and my son in the house.

I came home early and went upstairs to get changed. I found my son and my wife
having sex in my bed and my world crashed down around me, I love them both.
I don’t know what to do.

DEIDRE SAYS: You must be in turmoil right now. There are no rules for
dealing with such a blow, except try to stay calm and get through it.

You’ve been horribly betrayed by your new wife and you’ll need to put distance
between you. Tell her she has to move out while you try to take stock – and
try to talk to your son.

It sounds like his grief at the loss of his mum is still raw. Did he have
counselling when his mum died?

He chose to hurt you profoundly and that means real anger inside.

0808 808 1677). You did your best to cope at the time but now you need to do
more than just cope. You can’t do that alone.

With help you may forgive your son but forgiving your wife may be too much to
ask. Start by getting support for yourself